Would you describe money as a good friend? Maybe it’s an acquaintance or possibly you’ve had a falling out. I can personally attest to money falling into each of these relationship categories at different stages of my life.
When we experience a challenging relationship with money, we often find ourselves not talking about money, not checking in with where our money’s going or knowing how to manage it. In some cases, you may find your decisions being completely driven by money (there never being enough) or on the oppositive end of the scale, pushing money away without even realising it, through undercharging, spending too much or lending of funds with no repayment.
Money is emotional
When we talk about our relationship with money, it’s not just the tangible nature of what you can do and spend with money, it also includes how you feel about money, the emotions that come up when you interact with money. We attach emotions such as fear, guilt, shame, sadness, grief, anger and happiness to money. These emotions come up with both big money decisions (buying a home, a car, starting a business) to smaller money decisions (paying your bills, buying gifts and grocery shopping).
A Study by Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman, identified that approximately 90% of our financial decisions are driven by emotions and only 10% logic. Personal finance can attract a lot of emotional baggage, whether it be from childhood, struggling with long-term debt or setbacks in adulthood.
Events such as money being taken and not repaid in childhood, experiencing poverty, or a trauma such as a significant loss of a loved one, divorce and even eviction can result in emotions that remain trapped inside the body subsequently informing the choices we make. These choices influenced by the beliefs we have around money and amplified by the emotion we’ve attached to these.
Awareness
Creating awareness is step one of exploring the relationship you have with money, so you can start to rewrite your money story and create new money beliefs that will support you rather than hinder you.
By exploring their relationship with money, my clients have been able to create more money, more opportunities both personally and professionally and have confidence in their financial decisions and ultimately choice in their lives.
To support you getting started, consider exploring the money environment you grew up in. You can use the following prompts to get started. You may consider journaling your answers.
Was money spoken about openly?
Was there a lack of money or more than enough?
Was money ever used as a tool to manipulate?
Are you more comfortable with receiving or giving money?
As you go through this exercise, acknowledge that your net-worth is separate from your self-worth. Money is merely a tool that enables you to live the life you desire. We all have within us the ability to have a healthy relationship with money and live our abundant life.
Suzanne X
Suzanne Alexander – Mindful Finances
